My mausi fighting brain hemorrhage | 150 hours with her in neuro-emergency

"...then life seems to be a long emergency", Sam Harris said on my screen sometime in last few months. And today I can almost 'feel' what he meant there. 

(This is gonna be long, my Shiva. At this point I am not concerned what's useful for the reader and what's not. I am just gonna get it off my chest whichever way it gets expressed.)

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11th July 2022, evening ______

On terrace, I was trying to cover some stuff as part of my preparation for the upcoming exam after finally making myself comfortable in this new village, Rakhi, my mausi's sasural and my daada's nanihal.

Sudden steps coming upstairs. It was Sunil, my mausera bhai. "Vinoda, come down. Immediately." And he ran downstairs. I thought there might be something exciting, some magic. Let's see what it is. But situation was more serious. Prahlad Kaka ( mausi's husband) and Mukesh (mausera bhai) were off to the farm.

As I came downstairs, I saw my mausi (Santosh) lying almost unconscious in the lap of my daadi, and daadi rubbing her head and face vigorously, "Santosh, you listening? Come to senses, Santosh. Can't you listen..."   Daadi looked hyper-tensed to a point of behaving irrationally. Turned out, mausi complained of headache and suddenly collapsed. "Sunil, go get (doctor) Subhash... fast", she said loudly. "Chakkar aa gya lagta h", I guessed out loud. "Han beta." Daadi forcibly pours a glass of water in her mouth. I think it worsened the condition. She was having difficulty breathing. We lifted her body up and made her rest on the chaarpai.  Sunil left on bike to doctor. 

As I was processing what might have happened, daadi left to run towards Aangan handing mausi over to me. Mausi showed no sign of recovery. "Mausi... You conscious? What's it? What's aching.. head?" She couldn't speak. Daadi came with some bhabhoot (vibhuti) and forcibly put it in her mouth. This isn't time for a scientific debate, I told my agnostic mind. "..her head was aching... and then she collapsed on her neck", daadi told. "Garmi se chakkar aaya h, lagta h", i managed to say whatever i could to calm down daadi's worrisome anxiety. In haste, daadi left again, to where, i don't know, perhaps to ask for help in the neighborhood. I made attempts to get mausi to talk. Her heavy breaths happened with some sounds along her breath- pipe. It was perhaps that water poured down her larynx that added to her breathing difficulty. At one point, the breathing almost stopped. Her right eyebrow was vibrating in a worrisome manner. The thoughts of death surfaced my mind. I checked her pulse. Couldn't feel a thing. I didn't have much time to think it through. Here I went, I inhaled deeply and exhaled in her mouth with full force. Once again her body responded with that sound-making-difficult-breath. Thank universe! Daadi was back with (another) daadi2, her sister. Sunil arrived with doctor Subhash. After some efforts with water, she regained consciousness. "How is it now?" we asked. "My head.. head is aching... aching like never before. And nausea." 

She was made to sit. Doctor refused to give any treatment. It seems normal he said. But no, we didn't think so. Prahlad Kaka was home by now. A few more people gathered from larger family and neighbourhood. On his insistence, doctor gave her an injection. 

We waited for some recovery. But no, she kept saying her head was aching like it never did before. No point in waiting. I asked kaka to start his Gaadi. And we decided to take her to some hospital in Bhadra. I opened the main door.  Sunil managed to put two bottles of water from fridge in the gaadi. I managed to stuff two blankets. (Blankets are must, delivery episode of my sister reminded me). No time to think about our clothes or chappals at this point. Daadi2 and I decided to get in with kaka, given the neurotic condition of daadi1.

We left for Bhadra as early as we could. It was about 6:30-7:00 PM. Kaka was driving fast. "Dekh ke, kaka" we certainly didn't want another problem here. Mausi rested in daadi's lap with feet in my lap. Still breathing heavily. Head ache remained constant. Intense pain and nausea, she complained with painful utterances if 'ohhrre's and 'oh god's. We told mausi to vomit down here itself if it occurs. Kaka asked me to rub her soles. I did. 'Death' was hovering over my mental sphere. I tried to keep myself emotionally stable. 

Here comes the fragile moment. We just crossed the village Dungrana perhaps, suddenly, mausi stopped noises and daadi told that mausi's neck was stiffening. "Vinoda... Palaad (Prahlad).. her neck ... it's getting stretched."  I saw her neck moving up north, twisting down. "Vinoda... something.. seriously going wrong. You just feel her neck." I hold her neck from beneath and it was stone! "Mausi, take deep breaths." I doubted if the breath was even happening. She went unconscious again. I was vigorously rubbing her soles. "Is she fine?", Kaka enquired pushing down vehicle's throttle. She wasn't. A breaking breath happened. And moments of relative relief. She regained consciousness as we were approaching the city. "My head is aching unbearably. It never ached like this", mausi reports.

We parked right at the gates of Swami Vivekananda Swasthya Samiti. Someone brought the stretcher-bed and we rushed to emergency unit. They attended pretty quick. We narrated the story. (Turns out she had been suffering from mild or moderate-intensity-headache for about 15-20 yrs! Longer than even my maa's syndrome. Treatment was on-off-on. It came as a sock to me. Like seriously ..Kaka.)  They checked BP and oxygen level at the gate itself. Then she was admitted. Her oxygen level was low (that's why falling unconscious repeatedly). Rest was normal we assumed. The nurses put mausi on glucose supply, oxygen, and gave her several injections. They told it looked like mausi had anxiety related symptoms too. Rest, only Dr Jakhar would tell after examination. He would come some time during the night. Only one person was allowed to sit beside her in the ward. Dadi sat, and kaka and i waited outside.

We comforted ourselves thinking chakkar (falling unconscious) happened due to garmi. We expected the chhutti ( discharging from hospital) by morning or at most by the following-day-afternoon. Soon it was midnight. We made occasional visits to mausi. Kaka rested outside in his gaadi. I found an empty bed in corridor and slid inside the blanket for short span naps. Kaka woke me up at about 4 am.

July 12, 2022_________

 Came to know that Dr. Mahavir Jakhar made the round of ward at 3 am or so. He examined all ICU patients. For Mausi, he asked to get two blood related tests done in the morning as soon laboratory opens. Turns out lab doesn't open until 10 am. We went in to meet Mausi and asked what she would like to eat. Chai & biscuits at most. Head ache was still on. So was nausea. She had vomited twice, daadi told. She had tea. And here comes the third time. Dr Jakhar came again before his OPD session. He told that Santosh' condition was far from being normal. Her back was stiff, oxygen level was ~ 85-93 even with supply. If oxygen removed, she would faint. We were asked to get the tests done at the earliest and report to him. But lab worked as per its schedule. 10 am. 

 I brought some bananas. Mausi had refused anything to eat further. She was given one more injection (after tens of them so far), soon she felt much much better. For the first time she told no-headache, no nausea. Daadi finally ate something. She has this thing. She wouldn't eat or drink anything outside/non-home. It's not hygeinic and healthy. She even refused to use hospital's tap water and washed hands with bottle- water brought from home. Remaining bananas disappeared pretty soon in my oesophagus. 

I waited for quarter an hour outside the tests-lab alongwith OPD patients. Finally at about 11 am, reports were out. Things in her blood were normal as per my knowledge. I went straight to Dr Jakhar who was serving in his OPD by then. One more test needed, he added. CT scan of head, facility for which wasn't available at the hospital. 

By this time, Manoj, my distant cousin from Rakhi, and a mama of mine had come to us, concerned about mausi's condition. After some search, we discovered a diagnostic center, on a walking distance from the hospital, was ready to do CT Head. A few more people from my nanihal were by then in hospital. My nanihal is about 25 minutes from this tehsil city. We lied to mausi while going out for CT. (And surprisingly enough Sam Harris' book Lying didn't surface my mind here. This lie didn't bother me at all. Infact i was the one who initiated the lie here.) We told her she was discharged as everything was normal. Time to go home.  We carried her in wheel chair to the diagnostic centre ( It wasn't a good idea. Lots of bumps on the road and the street. And wheel chair isn't made for bumps. We should have gone in gaadi. But kaka wasn't available and we couldn't wait coz mausi was without oxygen-supply during this). 

During return, she was brought on motorbike. Within half an hour, the guy called me. The report was out. It said, "sub-archnoid brain hemorrhage" in bold letters and other things. 

"Brain hemorrhage... I have heard about it somewhere... Doesn't sound good", my intuition said. Tearing the crowd i went straight to Dr Jakhar in his OPD.

 "There's been leakage of blood in her head... inside the head. We don't have the expertise and facilities to handle Santosh' case. There's no neurosurgeon in Bhadra. You better go to Hisar or Jaipur." 

I asked for name and address of a good neurosurgeon that he knew, and he knew none. I came out and narrated the story to Kaka, Manoj, Mama and all... while trying not to lose my calm mental state. The word 'serious' creeped in the conversations instead of "theek hai".

Not Hisar, Jaipur was our decision.

Ambulance guy was phonecalled. There was a lot of talking during the following 2 hours. The 'referred to Jaipur' news spread to the larger family by then. All of us were getting phonecalls to explain what had happened to Santosh mausi. After much waiting, ambulance arrived, and mausi was released from the hospital. Rajesh maama and Manju mami (his wife) decided to accompany Manoj, mausi and me in the ambulance to Jaipur. 

They stuffed a few big water bottles, two blankets etc in the ambulance. I managed to get some bananas. (Bananas proved to be my lifeline

The anxiety was in the air. 

T b c...